Just trying to talk with my laptop. I wish it will come to life and start talking to me not to always close it's head down before everything are shut down haha.

There were a lot of times where I misses things a lot. Things that I like or love, things that I wanna do so badly in my life, words that I wanna talk to, but then I was too coward to chase it. Keep on telling myself that one day I would pursue it when I'm able to.

But then I realize I'm not even 1 step forward to what I'm suppose to do. Whenever I want to try something, many thoughts flow through my mind like money, time, consequences, or support from people who I cared. I remember I used to join lots of clubs like Latin dance, wushu, orchestra club, and etc but every club ends in a same way because I quit in the half way. Is not half road to fail(ban tu er fei) k?And every reason just have to be the same. Money and debts. I have no money to pay(due to my dad always make zero promises) and I owe almost few months of fees from almost every clubs. I feel so guilty whenever I think of it. I think I'm still owning them till 2014 =.=  From that, I got misunderstand by people that thought I want to become a ba wong chan (means eat without pay), aiya is almost the same as you go to a class asking a teacher to teach you then after class you sayonara without paying as if they don't get paid. Or thought I like to act poor and ask for charity which is humiliating la. I even have to save my allowance just to buy a music instrument. Anyway I got cheated la the teacher were sucks because they took my er hu cao after they got fired from headmistress. I was just err err----too stupid.  

Is just terrible for other members to know that I'm penniless that's why I had nasi lemak(not even tambah a fried egg k?) everyday and save every allowance that I have while looking at other students having a nice lunch with dessert and drinks and all I had was a plain rice with sambal. I wonder why I never realize I had the same food everyday without getting bored unless I took other's food. (I know I was thick skin enough)

I wasn't complaining that I'm an unfortunate child because I know I have more than enough compare to others who don't even have a nice uniform to wear to school. It just became a trauma for me to not dare to do what I want to if I have no assurance that I can go for a long term commitment.

So I thought maybe is time to get my ass up and go for it without worrying too much. I mean just let it flow and it will eventually work out. I guess. I got myself stressed out too much due to a broke up and job matter causes me to think too negatively about everything and thought everything was not right at all. After few months of chanting, I came to realize that if I don't always mentally stay positive and think of lots of good things, the positive flow won't come to you because you are not attracting them.


I'm back to the me again. Trying to work it out. How about you? Did you manage to find your way out too?

I'm joking. Don't read if you are eating. I cannot afford to pay for your #loseappetite disease. Sori.

And to think I have a day like this.....




And it became like this. I need to call for a firefighter and a plumber to clear my "shit problem".



It happens in the middle of the night when I went for a "big business" and it just happen to slip down and drop into the toilet bowl. =.= And I even have to pick it up with my own hand. So you know what to do huh when you see me huh huh??

WE HAVE TO SHAKE HAND LIKE EH LADY.